17 Jun Reach Out, you don’t need to go on the journey alone
This week I had a health scare. I developed a dark mole looking lump at the bottom of my foot. When I had my ultrasound, the nurse recommended that I get my results Urgently. In that moment, I felt like time stood still. As though I was in this silent vacuum that sucked me into a world that no-one else existed in. I somehow couldn’t believe that the world was still operating as normal whilst I was dealing with my news. My outside facade was that of “normal” too, smiling at people as they walked by as I disassociated myself from my challenge. It was as though I was watching a movie of myself & fully detached from the reality of the moment. I went to the doctors straight away to be told that I had 2 hours to wait until the results would be sent through. As I waited in my car, thoughts flooded through my mind & all the “What ifs” came to me with lightening speed. I felt as if I was in a tug of war with my life skills strategies that I know together with facing reality. My educated logical mind told me to face reality as the nurse would not have told me to go to the doctors urgently if this wasn’t life threatening. I suddenly felt so lonely in my thoughts & decided to reach out to a friend who gave me loving support on the phone. I then decided to dig deep, take one bit of news at a time to deal with and focus on what is rather than what may be. As I sat in the doctors waiting room, I felt numb. I read the same page of the book that I had with me at least 5 times, not being able to process the incoming information with any clarity. When it was my time, I prepared for the words that were going to come out of the doctors mouth, It’s a melanoma. However, my logical intelligent guess was thankfully wrong. He told me it was probably just an object stuck in my foot & promptly took it out. Tests will be back from pathology this week but the learning’s that I have gained from this experience is enormous. It’s normal to feel vulnerable in times of challenge & your unconscious mind is great at blowing up your sense of reality to protect you. Regardless of your strategies that you have in place to empower yourself, feel that you can always reach out to others for support when you need to. Vulnerability is the highest form of courage and love is a powerful healer.